Risk Assessment for the festive period

Written by: Groomer Date of published: . Posted in Funnies

Posted on 19 December 2012 20:40

Found this had to share!!
.Please see below – very serious risk assessment for the festive period, please take note and apply the relevant parts to your own particular work area………….


Anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required, addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks and any lone working undertaken by more traditional shepherds in remote locations.
The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to mitigate the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that equal opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R. Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even Royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Truly a Groomer

Written by: Groomer Date of published: . Posted in Funnies

Posted on 06 September 2012 19:20

Thought we would share you in too our world of grooming – we try not to share too much about it so that everyone thinks its a fluffy cuddly world! But our lovely fellow groomer Carrie from across the pond in Florida put this together –
YOU KNOW YOU ARE TRULY A GROOMER WHEN:When you have hairs in the bras and need tweezers for your Te-ts! lol

When the nails in your bra and shoes are not your own

When you blow your nose and get a fur coat

When you spray dog cologne on yourself after work- so you don’t stink!

When you hold a child’s foot to tie their shoe and say “SIT/STAY”

When you look at people walking dogs on your way home from work, and think:
“Where the Hell did they get that lousy groom!?”
(This is worse if it turns out to be YOUR client!!

When you hear folks discussing a problem with their dog in the market, and you interrupt their conversation to offer advice.

When you price an object in a store that you want -asking yourself “Hmmm… wonder how many dogs I have to groom to afford that ?”

When you test dog shampoos on your own head first!

When people walk away from you at Family Gatherings because all you can talk about is grooming

When your next vacation/time off is planned around a seminar and not a cruise

When you go to sleep and even dream you are grooming!

When your own dog is overgrown and you are ashamed to tell neighbors you are a groomer
When you use curse words that would make a sailor blush when you have a no-show.

When you can’t remember the last time you wore panty hose!

When you have to say ‘dog groomer’ three times because people think you said ‘drug runner’

When you tell your husband “That’s it, I’ve had it – We are getting another dog!”
When your list to Santa Claus includes only gifts for your dogs

When you wear old tee shirts and retail Gucci for dogs

When you read the labels on dog food so intently, then grab a donut!

When you see a handsome guy walking his dog and you do a twice-over of the dog and ignore the guy!

When you grab a ripped and torn clean dog towel to dry your hair because the house ones get washed last!

When the weather is wet and you worry about your dogs getting ruined and not your $80.00 hairstyle

When you’d rather be chatting about grooming on a forum instead of snuggling with your mate.

When your mate complains you spend too much time chatting on dog forums.

And last but not least…when you consider dog hair in your food a CONDIMENT!

But with all these things it’s still rewarding. If my husband rubs my tummy and scratches behind my ears…I’m all his!